Tips for Avoiding A Room-esque Situation
I’m not sure when this blog became a resource center, but I have
no intention of changing the format at this point in the semester, you know? As
such, I present “Tina’s Quick Tips That Just May Save Your Life.” Alternatively,
TQTTJMSYL. Most of these tips come from knowledge I’ve gleaned from being a
true crime aficionado so from the lovely
Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff, hosts of the podcast My Favorite Murder.
Some things are also from my mom, some are just nuggets of knowledge that come
from being a) a woman and b) a woman who often travels alone. If you have any
further comments, ideas, or critiques, let me know. Without further ado, TQTTJMSYL.
(I do want to put one giant asterisk next to everything
though, because these are entirely subjective, and every situation is different.
The most important thing is for you to remain safe.)
If you see an adult and child, and the relationship looks
odd, do something.
- It’s not as if we don’t know what a healthy relationship between an adult and child looks like. We all know there should be communication and smiles. Children generally convey a sense of openness towards the adult they’re with, while the adult shows attentive care (or at least minimal awareness) of the child’s actions and moods. If you think something is up, tell someone, get a solid description, note what’s off to you. Then communicate these with another person, a crisis center, or perhaps the police.
Adults don’t ask children for help.
- When was the last time you looked at your neighbor and thought, they may need help moving or finding a glove on the Moors? Probably never. Why? You know that there are little to no jobs in which an adult—particularly a stranger—would go to a child for help because a) adults are stubborn and b) children are that helpful. Adults don’t even like asking each other for help, why would they go to an unassuming six-year-old?
Your gut feeling is there for a reason.
- Humans would not have an amygdala if there was cause for us to be in danger. But there are many. Sometimes it’s a lion hiding in the bush, sometimes it’s a slow-moving hatchback. If you get a weird feeling, you know what’s up. Make sure you’re safe, of course, but once again, note all details you can and communicate with another or the authorities. The hairs on the back of your neck don’t stand because they’re bored.
F*ck politeness.
- Typically, many people try to not rock the boat—especially women in non-traditional roles (basically in public). Rather than defend themselves or their ideas, most people will quietly concede to anyone being a little more brazen. Albeit sometimes sad to see brilliant minds shuttered, this strategy works. However, if you sense danger—and it seems to be confrontable—don’t do this. If someone is pressuring you to do something you’re not interested in, from beckoning you to soliciting to harassing, shut that sh*t down (AS LONG AS YOU FEEL SAFE). The women of MFM say “f*ck politeness. Stay sexy and don’t get murdered.” I’m not saying downright ignore basic rules of social engagement but if you clearly express your desire to be not be involved, get out however you can.
Act first, apologize later.
- Maybe you’re approached at night to help find a dog, you can say no. Or maybe a couple seems a little too on-edge in public, pull one aside. It’s really hard to give accurate, successful examples of this one, but know that following your gut can sometimes lead you astray (that doesn't mean don't listen to yourself though). But if there’s nothing wrong in the first place, than a quick explanation and apology won’t phase the other person. People doing nothing wrong have nothing to hide.
If you are attacked, get whatever you can.
- I hope to God that no one ever has to go through the horrors and brutality of Ma’s imprisonment, or rape or assault of any kind, but the fact of the matter is people do, all the time, every day. If—and I really mean if—you are, gather what you can if you plan to prosecute. This is a step I’ve never employed myself and I know that everyone’s experiences are different, but I know many rape kits are backlogged and crises centers tend to share this: get DNA. The more, the better. Under nails, hair samples, fingerprints, etc., get an identifier.
These are some of the things I remind myself when I’m alone and
feel off about a situation. I give this advice to anyone who asks or whenever discussing
a case such as Ma’s. Room is a work of
fiction, but the story is no nightmare but all-too-common. When it happens, it’s
never the victims fault for not following these (the only way to forever curb assaults
and rape is to stop assaulting and raping, people), however, knowing these and presenting
an air of security and awareness makes you less likely to be targeted. I know
these are scary to think about, but if you don’t think of them when you are
safe, the dangers become greater when you’re not.
- Tina
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I'm a huge believer in learning at least basic self defense because stories like this happen in today's world all the time, and even though it may seem like something that would "never happen" to you, it never hurts to be prepared.
ReplyDeleteTo add more to the "If you're attacked" potion: I practiced Taekwondo for three years, and every class had a period of time dedicated to self defense lessons the covered the basics to gun or knife self defense techniques. The first thing you're taught is to be smart about your situation: If someone is trying to steal a wallet or phone from you, it's better to give up those material, often replaceable possessions in order to stay as physically safe as possible. However, the minute that they tell you to go somewhere with them or try to physically assault you, you should fight with EVERYTHING you have because your life is NOT replaceable. General weak points on both men and women are the eyes, nose, ears, throat, stomach, groin, and tops of the feet. Thrashing violently, kicking, and squirming when someone picks you up gives your attacker less to grab and throws them off balance. Lastly, learning about pressure points above the cupid bow, inner arms, and back/shoulder areas could help save your life in the future, as well.
Like Tina said, I hope that this never happens to anyone, but educating yourself on the at least the basics of self defense before you need them (if you ever do) could be crucial to your wellbeing.
Thank you for this post. I feel like everyone should know these things, and keep them in the back of our heads as we go about our days. You never expect a bad thing to happen.
ReplyDeleteIf I can add my two cents of knowledge onto this post: I drive alone at night a lot, going to and from a pretty abandoned back alley in downtown Champaign. Something my dad told me is if someone ever gets in the car with you and threatens you, telling you to drive somewhere, 1. Don’t resist, just start driving, but 2. Don’t ever leave the city, because once you leave the city, your chances of being stopped are incredibly low. Instead, crash the car into something large and stable, like tree or fence going at around 30-40mph. It'll definitely attract attention, and probably knock your attacker out. It might give you a nasty bruise or broken nose, but it might save your life.
This is a great post. Most of these tips would be considered relatively common sense, but that's one of the funniest things about "common sense": it isn't actually that common. Having these tips distinctly laid out is great, and society would definitely be a better place if everyone was forced to read (and abide by) these rules, the world would be a better and much safer place. As for self defense, I would try my best but would be considerably hindered by the injuries I sustained in the car accident. I could use my leg brace and use it as a club? :p
ReplyDeleteWow, this was a really good post. Not going to lie it was a little hard and scary reading this but I feel like it is definitely necessary for people to see and think about. People don't usually think anything will happen to them but sadly there are many cases that would prove them wrong. I also wanted to say that self-defense (as mentioned above) is another factor to consider. My parents specifically put me in Taekwando so I would know how to defend myself. My instructors would then teach different methods of self defense (and often would specifically target me since I was usually the only female and had a smaller stature). But back to the point, these are some very important issues that everyone (no matter who you are) should be aware of.
ReplyDeleteHonestly thank you so much for writing this post. One of the scariest things about Room for me was that when Ma was captured she was 18 and on a college campus (aka lots of us next year). Stuff like in Room is real and happens to real people! It's so important to share knowledge so that people have ideas on how to keep themselves safe.
ReplyDeleteA really scary part of Room is how seemingly normal things could have much deeper and twisted motivations. To be honest, if some random person asked me to help rescue their dog, unless I had something extremely urgent, I would agree to help. Also, if I saw someone like Old Nick grab a little kid a run off, I honestly would not have made the decision to call the police, and because of that inaction, two people would still be in a horrible situation. These tips are really important for everyone to learn and use.
ReplyDelete